pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
