He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
