No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
