I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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