OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
