I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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