whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
