ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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