ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
