i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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