he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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