I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
