take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
