i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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