I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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