It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
