And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize