i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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