Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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