big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
