The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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