Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
