Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
