My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize