i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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