I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
