If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
