You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
