don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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