She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
