she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
