did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
