"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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