That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
