My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
