How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
