I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
