i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
