you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
