We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's shark week go big or go home
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
