I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
