Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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