Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
