i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
