You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
