If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
