I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
