dude i'm inner monologue high
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
