Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
