I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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