cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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