I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
