You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
