he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
