She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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