Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
