roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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