I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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