idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
