smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
