and you said cock pushups were impossible
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
