see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
