One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
