guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
