i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
