youre lurking in front of me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
