I love black thongs
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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