handjob tips. give me some.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
