I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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