I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
