so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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