I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
