I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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