The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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