the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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