hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
