I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
