I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
