ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
