I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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