Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
