before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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