She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
