You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
