fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
