I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Boobs speak an international language.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
