Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
