fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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