I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
