I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
